If you are on a road to nowhere, find another road.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
-Abraham Lincoln

About a month ago, I said that my biggest flaw in life is believing that everyone is naturally good. I'm not sure if that is true anymore because I found something else that comes back to bite me, and venom hurts so much more. So what is this flaw? I don't know how to describe it.

Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby.
-Unknown

Mmm... I haven't read much after I finished His Dark Materials. Finished Story of a Girl, and the Dalemark Quartet. The former was alright, and the latter was like true love. My heart was crying for Maewen and Mitt. To be in love, and can't be together because you're both born in a different time. Ahh, my heart is too soft.

Andy's teasing me right now on MSN. Haha, so adorable, and wrong. He's 15 years old. I'm 21. Yeah. ;) SO WRONG, BUT FEELS SO RIGHT. XD!!! Kidding.

Anyways, the past week has been... interesting. I'm torn between letting people go and keeping them. It's just so frustrating that I don't feel I deserve to feel like that at all. And every fiber of my soul hurts when people say negative things about Dan even if I'm so angry at him right now.

So. Dan and I are no longer friends because I have a crush on him, and he believes it's in my best interest if he end our friendship... so I would stop liking him. It broke my heart that he would do this... and I don't understand how all of this makes any sense, even to him. I was crying for a while last night, and venting about how weird this whole thing is. I'm hurt that Dan wanted me to do things for him, but he wasn't willing to compromise with me. It's ridiculous that he forces this upon me, without even considering my opinion. Fucking! Grrrrrrrrrr!

Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures.
-Han Suyin

I have discovered The Higher, The Audition, Forever the Sickest Kids, Miles Davis, The Maine, News from Verona (thanks to a friend from CyberNations), Portico Quartet (thanks to the same friend), Four Year Strong, Hidden in Plain View and I Am the Avalanche. Simply beautiful.

On a different note, I finished His Dark Materials Trilogy this morning. The end was so sad, but also nice. Dan was telling me that the trilogy is a cheap rip-off from the Chronicles of Narnia, so I think I'm gonna read that series soon and see what this "cheap rip-off" is. Anyways, "cheap rip-off" or not, good books are still good books. :D

I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my shelf.
-Robert Bloch

About 2 weeks ago, I was hanging out at the library looking for books to check out. In a moment of haste, I grabbed the first book to the Farsala Trilogy off the the shelf, thinking that I probably won't actually like the book, but at least I'll have something to read. Haha, I was totally wrong. I loved the book with all my heart. In fact, it was the first book that ever triggered all the atoms in my body to dance with joy. After that, I got the last 2 books, and my heart melted for them. Simply amazing.

Lets see, what else did I read? What My Girlfriend Doesn't Know, Heartsinger, and The Secret Life of Sparrow Delaney. All very good books. I have His Dark Materials Trilogy, Dalemark Quartet (not the 4th book though), and The Other Half of Life on deck.

Teehee. I'm developing a taste for fantasy novels. :D Loving it.

How dead are you?
- Andy's question to the title of this entry

Today was rather interesting. I felt like my heart was literally being cut, but at the same time, there was this force that seemed to be pulling my heart together. It was a mix of almost unbearable pain and tingles.

I'm feeling much better now, but I wish it didn't happen though. I know my friends care about me a lot, and all of them don't want to see me being disrespected and harmed for absolutely no reason. Sometimes, I just wish that before they suggest an idea to me, they should think it over carefully.

I love everyone.

One kind word can warm three winter months.
-Japanese Proverb

My biggest flaw in life is believing that all people are naturally good. It bit me many, many times, but why do I hold on to the thoughts at heart?

Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level.
-Max L. Forman

I am so horny that if I am reading a book right now, I would be rubbing myself against each page, and moaning as I turn to the next page. What else would I do? I would pretend that someone is sitting on the chair, and I will be giving the imaginary person a super sexy lap dance.

I am bored, as you can tell. Suck it, Dan. Suck it HARD.

In the past week, I have been super annoyed at people, in real life and online. I am alright now, of course. Thanks to few people, specifically the ones who pulled me aside and slapped me. :)

I love everyone.

And... last, but not least...

*throws a chocolate-flavored condom at Steve*

You deserve it. Just be glad I didn't make you eat it.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
-John Wilmot

I want to know why people hate me. What the fuck have I done to get the kind of treatment that I get? What reasons do people have to constantly say hurtful things to another? Do these people not have hearts? Do these people not have feelings? Are they always numb? What do they gain from making it their priorities to put others down? Do their hearts beat with joy knowing that they're stepping on others?

I hate this so much. I hate all of it. I hate the fact that I have to fight a war that isn't mine. I hate the fact that I'm the fucking prisoner of the war, fighting my way to freedom. I want to call it quits, but damn me after death if I never get to live the way I want.

Why do I have to suffer because others are too selfish?

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction.
-Blaise Pascal

A really amazing thing is that a different outlook can totally change the way a person feel about another person or an event, and what's better than this is having friends who will turn you around when you're looking in the wrong direction. I am truly grateful for the friends I have.

I haven't been feeling too well. Stress, along with a fever and constant headache is a poor mix. The stress is beginning to ease now, which makes me happy. :)

On a different subject, I have been playing Harvest Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town. My farm isn't too big yet, but it'll improve. My favorite animal is Dan the chicken, because he loves me the most. :) Haha.

I hope everyone is well. I know I haven't talked to some of you in a while, but we'll catch up when I have more time to get online.

Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.
-Epictetus

I have always wanted a career that will allow me to be there for my future children when they need me during working hours. My reasons are simple. I want to see my future children's smiles when they are happy. I want to be available to pick them up at school if they're sick. I want to wipe away their tears when they cry. I want to hold them in my arms. I want to swing them around in the air. I want to see their little figures running around playfully, and when I see this, I will smile because I am their mother.

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
-Bill Cosby

HAPPY BELATED FATHER'S DAY! I love you, Daddy.

... and on an entirely different note, I visited Xanga last night for the first time in many years, read some of the featured online journals, and came upon a piece of writing. The author boasted about cheating on her husband with married men. You can find it here. I found it appalling that someone would brag about this.

Last, but not least, I have the hots for someone. :D

That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along.
-Madeleine L'Engle

It's been raining for about a week now. I love it so much, but I also hate it because I want to go jogging... and I'm not willing to do that in the rain. I don't want to get sick.

On Monday, I helped Mom canned bamboo shoots. It was really fun when I was washing the jars. Talliehassie and I were playing truth or dare, and it was just great. :) Then Allie fell asleep in my arms... while I was rinsing the jars. She was so adorable at that moment.

Last night, Allie wanted to see my boobs. She kept pulling at my shirt, and I was telling her no. It was funny.

I've been talking to this guy named Anthony Vitanza. Oh, he is great.

It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees.
-Emiliano Zapata

Inspired by a friend of mine.

Things I want to accomplish before 4/26/2012.

1. Go to college, and work towards my degree in Early Childhood Education.
2. Learn how to read and write in Hmong.
3. Learn how to speak, read and write in Spanish.
4. Learn how to speak, read and write in Japanese.
5. Get my driver's permit.
6. Get my driver's license.
7. Donate blood.
8. Donate to a fundraiser.
9. Volunteer for community services.
10. Participate in a sport.
11. Go on a road trip.
12. Buy a pretty dress.
13. Send cards to my friends.
14. Get a savings accounts.
15. Learn how to draw a tree.
16. Learn how to draw a meadow.
17. Learn how to draw from my imagination.
18. Draw my world.
19. Paint a picture that I will love.
20. Paint a self-portrait.
21. Locate an animal shelter and volunteer to walk a dog.
22. Learn to crochet.
23. Crochet a gift-worthy item.
24. Learn to knit.
25. Knit a gift-worthy item.
26. Learn to make gum.
27. Get another ear pierce.
28. Make a model bridge using toothpicks.
29. Bake cookies for friends.
30. Learn how to play an instrument.
31. Learn carpentry.
32. Build a birdhouse.
33. Ride on a horse.
34. Plant something and take care of it!
35. Complete a memory book of friends.
36. Go 24 hours without wearing any clothes.
37. Make a pillow.
38. Ride a roller coaster.
39. Ask someone out for lunch.
40. Go fishing.
41. Learn to shoot well with a gun.
42. Dress up as a superhero for Halloween.
43. Plan a vacation for my parents.
44. Make pizza bread.
45. Make a cheesecake.
46. Make sweet bacon weiners.
47. Make chili.
48. Make vanilla extract.
49. Make chocolate pudding.
50. Make Portuguese egg tart.
51. Make a pumpkin pie.
52. Make peppermint fudge.
53. Make chocolate-dipped minty shortbread cookies.
54. Mix a yummy drink.
55. Make a flipbook.
56. Make a zoetrope.
57. Make a kaleidoscope.
58. Meet at least one of my online friends.

Hate no one; hate their vices, not themselves.
-J. G. C. Brainard

Dan got me to play RuneScape with him about a week ago. It's been rather fun so far, despite not actually doing anything, but collect bones. Last night, a player who claimed to be 14 years old was hitting on me. Dumbass. He eventually got bored of talking to me and left. After meeting Dan in the Lumbridge bank, another guy randomly asked me to be his girlfriend. He promised to give me all his money and a nice set of armor. I told Dan about it and he said I should become a RuneScape whore. Haha.

On another subject, my heart has been annoying. Every time I try to move on from Troy, I always end up coming back to wanting him again.

To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains.
-Mary Pettibone Poole

Dan: she still seems to expect me to be there for her and keep caring about all her life problems and basically do everything i did when we were dating
Dan: fine, im ok with that
Dan: but i want my sex back
Dan: its only fair, lol
Dan: so i may have called her some names and been a bit mean today...
Dan: and *maybe* i feel a bit bad about it
Lanna: You're so mean.
Lanna: You will care for a girl... for sex?
Dan: well, no
Dan: but
Lanna: Dude... that's just... so... not you.
Dan: everything that used to be expect from me still is
Dan: but my benefits have sharply decreased
Lanna: XD
Lanna: Tell her then.
Lanna: I like your thought on this.
Dan: haha, i did
Dan: i dont think she was happy with it
Dan: i dont think she's been happy with a lot of my thinking lately
Lanna: XD
Lanna: Mind if I mention this in my journal?
Dan: go ahead
Lanna: lol, this is too funny.
Lanna: I like it a lot.
Dan: haha
Dan: im glad you're enjoying it, that makes one of us
Dan: im kinda neutral
Dan: she doesnt seem to be a fan...
Dan: so all in all, its a win

Dan is so sexy. Hello, Andy. ;)

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't.
-Mignon McLaughlin

Tootie Fruities, I love you.

The past is finished. There is nothing to be gained by going over it. Whatever it gave us in the experiences it brought us was something we had to know.
-Rebecca Beard

I was telling Mom that I will have 5 children - 3 being girls and 2 being boys. I think for this entry, I will spend it on thinking up names for my future children. Enjoy my insanity.

For the girls:

Anchoret Nadie
Kala Qimat
Tasanee Altantsetseg
Felicia Iona
Dysis Mae

For the boys:

Zaccheus Aaron
Leon Jase
Rian Eztel
Andrin Li
Sanjay Sachin

If married, I might be willing to compromise. \o/

When the conduct of men is designed to be influenced, persuasion, kind unassuming persuasion, should ever be adopted. It is an old and true maxim that 'a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.' So with men. If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart, which, say what he will, is the great highroad to his reason, and which, once gained, you will find but little trouble in convincing him of the justice of your cause, if indeed that cause is really a good one.
-Abraham Lincoln

I was sitting in a chair, on the back porch of my house. In front of me, was a tree and acres and acres of short, green grass. I was on the phone with Jordan Hawker. Rain started pouring from the sky, then it slowed down. I saw one of the most amazing things when the sky was sprinkling rain. Hundreds of black birds flew from one direction, over the tree and landed on my backyard. I remember telling Alex about it when I got back to school, but he didn't believe me at all. This happened during my first year of college. Anyways...

I got the stitches removed yesterday. It was so painful! The doctor was having a difficult time pulling one of the stitches out. He kept pulling and pulling, then he moved on to the other stitches, and came back to the old one. He pulled again, and it wouldn't budge. When the doctor was done removing all the others, that one finally came out of my finger. It felt really good to have the stitches out. I also felt really good for another reason. For the first time in almost a month, I didn't have a headache. It was really, really good.

Right now, my left shoulder hurts, but that's all. I think I'll be fine.

I read Anne of Green Gables. I loved it so much. It was an incredible book. I'm gonna have to read all the other Anne books! I also read Flipped and Flush. Incredible books as well.

It's a good day to breathe.

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
-Leo Rosten

One little monkey jumping on the bed,
She fell off and bumped her head.
Papa took her to the doctor and the doctor said,
"Wow, that's a good bump."

So on Tuesday, I was chopping some raw pork for homemade sausages. I was so close to being done with my role when I chopped my left index finger. I screamed when it hit my finger. I thought part of my finger was actually chopped off. I lifted my left hand, and there it was... my finger. Though there was a part hanging, and I screamed again. I ran inside and got blood all over my hoody when my brother got a bandaid. He wrapped it around my finger after rubbing some kind of gel on the cut. The blood filled up quickly under the bandaid and started dripping into the sink. Daddy blew on it, then took me to the emergency room. I got 8 stitches, and a tetanus shot. My arm still hurts from the shot, of course, but the pain is slowly going away, I think. Yesterday, my shoulder was hurting and now, it's not.

Other than the above, the weekend that passed was probably the best weekend I had since I came home from college. On Friday, I read Skeleton Man. Great book. I loved it. Then the next day, I read The Westing Game. It was wonderful. First mystery-type book that I ever read and finished. :D My siblings and I watched the movie Wolverine that day. On Sunday, we watched Twilight. On Monday, we watched Marley & Me. Great movies.

Acceptance is such an important commodity, some have called it "the first law of personal growth."
-Peter McWilliams

My heart is confusing. Too many thoughts in my mind.